he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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