would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
