i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
