then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
