Plan B is the new Plan A
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
