Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
