sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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