..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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