Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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