No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
