I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
