The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
