well you can't waste a boner
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
