I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
