Your mouth is God's brothel.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
