Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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