Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
