This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
