Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
