We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
