I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
