last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
