I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
