Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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