theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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