Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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