I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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