In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
