Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
