lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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