well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
