I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
