Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
