just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
