Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
