To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
