I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
