return my video game
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
