So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
