I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
