He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
