I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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