Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize