Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
