I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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