New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
