I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
