i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They took my balls.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
