I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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