Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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