like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
