so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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