guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We were destined to go to rehab together
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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