): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
